As a middle schooler, I would always watch “Gilmore Girls” or “Gossip Girl.” These shows portrayed high school as a mystical teenage fantasy. I looked forward to this cool teenage lifestyle. There are new friends and adventures every day. However, now as a sophomore, I see that high school doesn’t really meet those expectations.
On the first day of freshman year, I was really excited to meet everyone. But, I was definitely nervous as well. I waited outside the school all jittery but smiling and called my best friend from middle school, just to give her a send off. I felt inches away from becoming the teenager I always dreamed to be. Then, I made my way inside.
The whole school felt bigger than me. I was shy and saw that a lot of people already had friends, since they went to Clinton for middle school. I remember I got lost because I didn’t know what floor my room number was on. I was panicking but eventually asked someone and found my way. I feel like that was my first glimpse into high school, because in that moment I felt so lost and self conscious of the fact I was lost. This feeling grew into insecurity, this feeling edging itself into every day of the week. Freshman year held a lot of internal battles. As I walked the hallways, I lacked confidence because I was so scared people would see the pimple that developed on my face that night, or how my hair was a mess. These feelings were new to me. In middle school, I never really cared about how I looked or how I acted. I acted crazy if I wanted to and laughed as loud as I wanted. I didn’t care what others thought as much as I did in freshman year. I started to close myself up and most days of freshman year were spent feeling embarrassed or felt like I said something wrong.
One of my biggest struggles in freshman year was making friends. I made some new friends; yet, whenever I was with them I felt like I didn’t belong. I felt like I wasn’t good enough as myself to be their friend. Therefore, I would try to act like someone else. Friends weren’t the only struggle I had, I also struggled with academics. I would get upset a lot if I felt like I wasn’t doing good enough or if I wasn’t smart enough.
These struggles and emotions were very overwhelming for freshman year me, but it wasn’t all this bad. I joined cross country in the fall of freshman year and I had recently quit competitive gymnastics. I am the type of person who is athletic because it makes me strong. But also because sports keep me goal oriented. I feel motivated and inspired when I am doing sports. Therefore, during the challenges of freshman year, cross country helped me persevere.
Looking back on my freshman year and where I am now, allows me to appreciate it. I am grateful for the internal and external struggles because without them, sophomore year wouldn’t be the same. I now feel more comfortable about who I am because I understand that high school is a place for imperfections to grow. I have learned that it’s about accepting who you are and acknowledging who you want to become. I also now understand that high school isn’t like the movies. So, dear freshmen, this year is going to give you new experiences with yourself and others. It is the beginning of who you are becoming. So let yourself be, evolve, and fail. The Clinton School is full of students who are probably going through the same things you are going through. You are not alone in this high school movie.
